Opinions are like onions: They’re flavorful and have many layers, but if you’re not careful, they could make you cry.
You’ll soon learn this about me, but I am often devoid of direction, and I just live my life day to day. Sure, I can’t function without my color-coated, hourly planner, but plans for the future scare me so I frequently just ignore them. For instance, I decided to go to Harding because I saw signs about it on my church youth bulletin board around the time of my high school graduation and thought, “Hey, I should probably go to college now, why not here?” I arrived not knowing one soul, but being the huge nerd I am, I honestly just wanted to learn the book stuffs. So I didn’t really care.
One thing nobody told me about college was that I would be learning more than just the book stuffs. This sounds really stupid, but I just recently learned how to talk to people. The secret? Acquiring the discipline it takes to know when to speak and when to shut your mouth, and realizing that your opinions are just that: opinions.
People typically only consume the media that validates their ideals and ignore anything that contradicts them. Your opinions are written in stone, cemented in concrete and granted special historical status. In conversations, any response is deemed an attack so you go on the defensive. You’re now angry — and if you’re anything like me, you’ll cry when you get angry — and you now build a steel wall around the same exact belief system you had before, now completely indestructible.
Look, I get it. I have an extreme number of opinions, some of which you’ll see this year, and I’m very passionate about every single one of them. For instance, you’ll immediately be my least favorite person if you dislike what is objectively the best comedy, Napoleon Dynamite. I completely understand the instinct to defend your convictions, but there comes a point when you need to take a step back. If you’re really interested in having a productive conversation with someone, you need to learn how to listen. Ask questions about why they feel that way and how they came to that conclusion.
In addition, turn your “He/she/it is” statements into “I think that” or “I feel like” statements if you can’t provide any statistical support, full Chicago style citations and a bibliography. For exaple, say, “I think Napoleon Dynamite is the best comedy” instead of “Napoleon Dynamite is the best comedy.” (See, I’m starting to take my own advice.)
These are just some of the tricks that I’ve found helpful in showing genuine respect for the person you’re talking to. It is less combative, and you’ll walk away enriched and hopefully not angry-sad.
Freshmen, this message is directly for you: Your beliefs will be challenged more than once in the next four years (or five, I’m not a fortune teller). That isn’t a reflection of this college specifically it’s just a symptom of being exposed to lots of different people from a lot of different places. Not everyone will agree with you, guaranteed. Don’t close off your mind to new ideas; just let them in. And just know that you won’t come out on the other end the same person you are now.
Upperclassmen, it’s not too late to change the way you speak to people. Make the rest of your time here count and explore as many ideas as you can. It’s OK to be unsure about some things. You have the rest of your life to make up your mind.
I’m making a commitment right now to be as careful and kindhearted as possible about my opinions this year (partially because they’ll be published to the whole community). But I urge all of you to do the same.
