It’s no secret that the past two weeks have been dedicated to social club activities. For those who joined a club, I congratulate you on making it through the process. However, for those who did not participate in the club process, keep reading — this is for you.
From looking into clubs freshman year to being rejected both sophomore and junior years, I am no stranger to the club process.
A phrase I often heard was, “This is God’s plan for you. It’s OK that you didn’t make it, he just has bigger plans for you.” This phrase haunted me. It made me confused and angry. Why would God want me to feel unwanted and unloved by my peers?
I spent a majority of my time freshman and sophomore years feeling lonely, angry and depressed. The thought of transferring crossed my mind more often than not that second year, especially during club function season.
I began to resent my friends, my peers and social clubs altogether. If this was God’s plan for me, why was I angry with my friends? Why was I feeling overwhelming depression?
When my best friend went to Harding University in Latin America (HULA) in the spring of our sophomore year, the darkness I was feeling grew. The person who was in the clubless boat with me was no longer living across the hall; I felt more lost than ever. All of my friends in clubs had their sisters to turn to, but I felt like I did not have that same support.
As a result, I surrounded myself with mediocre friends and people who made it easier to make bad decisions. Again, that phrase, “This is God’s plan for you,” was in the back of my mind.
Toward the end of April that semester, I received a phone call from Preston Road Church of Christ in Dallas, Texas, telling me that I received the youth intern position. I remember for the first time that year I felt hopeful. Was I finally seeing what God’s plan was for me?
During the summer of 2016, my youth group taught me the importance of self-love. They taught me my worth does not lie in the hands of others. By the end of my internship, I felt prepared to tackle any obstacles junior year had in store for me.
Alas, I was not prepared at all.
Many unexpected events happened during junior year, but I’ll spare you the time. Even with those events, I was still able to see the blessings within my life. The pieces of God’s plan were finally coming together.
I found a home within Student Publications, became more involved with my department, was able to meet new people and make several new, healthy friendships. Even though it was halfway through junior year, I was finally beginning to feel loved and wanted again.
Now that I’m almost halfway done with senior year, when I look back to freshman and sophomore years, I see that I was loved and wanted then, too. But since I felt so much resentment and anger toward my peers, I was not able to recognize it.
I am here to tell you that whether or not you’re in a club, you still have so much worth. No matter what you’re feeling during this time, know that you are loved and wanted. I know this is hard to see at first, especially during times of loneliness, but your worth is not defined by a jersey you wear on Friday. Your worth comes from God, the one who made you in his image.
If you ever feel these feelings, know that you are not and never have been alone.
