Freshman year I walked onto this campus with straightened hair and Toms shoes. Pitch Perfect was the funniest movie I had ever seen and I only listened to Mumford and Son’s second album. Every day, I am thankful for the changes in my life.
Beyond my choice in music and footwear, I’ve changed. My view on the world, my view on religion and what I even want out of life have all changed. I am different than I was four years ago. I’m different than I was six months ago. But I am not a different person. I am still Maeghen.
This concept was the basis of my theme for the Petit Jean yearbook: multitudes. In my editor’s note, I explained its origin and meaning to the book. But where I truly find this theme’s significance is in us.
Fear and failure are topics often covered throughout our college careers. We’re often told fear is normal and to embrace failure as a learning opportunity. One of the biggest struggles in my life was the fear of turning on myself. Failing who I thought I was as a person. I was terrified of becoming a contradiction of who I was. Becoming a hypocrite. What isn’t talked about as much, is that that is so incredibly normal.
College, especially, is one of those overwhelming periods of change we experience. Of course as we learn, adapt and grow, our beliefs will sway. It’s terrifying. Growing up believing certain things or thinking of ourselves in one way, it can be so intimidating realizing things may not be as they seemed.
One time, I was flying home to visit my high school friends for the first time in over a year. On the flight, I was a wreck. I knew, even in one year, I had changed. In my views on controversial subjects that often came up, in the jokes I laughed at and even how I carried myself. I was scared and torn. Did I act like the Maeghen they knew from high school? They liked her. Or did I act like who I was at that moment? The last thing I wanted was for them to think, “she’s really different,” or, “what a hypocrite.”
Because that’s how people work, I ended up acting normally, who I was at that moment. And it was fine. Great, actually. Why? Because I was still Maeghen from high school. I am still Maeghen from high school to them. I am still who I am at my core. That is how we are designed.
That visit home and several other similar instances throughout my time at Harding taught me to embrace the contradictions. I’m no longer scared of changing. It is part of life. Every new situation will bring it.
I hope this could be encouraging to anyone who’s ever felt similarly. Editor-in-chief brought me an opportunity to share a message with Harding students that will last for years. I wanted to show people the change. I hope 80 years down the road, you think about the contradictions in your life and are grateful. I hope you’ll look at this yearbook and remember what changes happened this specific year. Contain multitudes.
