First off, I’d like to apologize. I apologize for not knowing how to throw a football. I apologize for thinking fishing is an all-encompassing term (who knew there were different types for different fish, not me). I apologize for liking clothes and Taylor Swift and complicated coffee orders. I’m sorry I’d rather sit and have a conversation with people instead of running around and getting sweaty. I’m sorry for making my fellow gender-mates uncomfortable by telling them I care for them. And I’m sorry for having emotions and letting them show. I will not,however,apologize for how any of these things make me any less of a man.

I have wrestled (metaphorically, of course) with this day and age’s skewed view of masculinity for a very long time. I used to be quite discouraged about my own portrayal of masculinity by comparing myself to Hollywood stars and photoshopped models (yes, they distort male self image too, whether people admit it or not) thinking I’ll never be like that because “Who has time to work out when there are people to talk to and coffee to photograph?”

Being a man doesn’t always mean someone lives and breathes in the gym or has enough facial hair to equal an area rug. Being a man isn’t defined by the number of rousing speeches someone makes before heading into the fray. And being a man does not mean you give up all sensitivity. Showing emotions is not a weakness but a strength, it takes courage to become vulnerable and exposed to one’s peers, something that many shy away from. It is an avenue to self-expression.

I’ve always liked the saying “real men wear pink” and treated it somewhat as my mantra. I’m not saying that by literally wearing a lighter shade of red it will instantly make you more manly. If that were the case, I’d have traded in a lot of my clothes a long time ago. What I’m saying is that by allowing oneself to be exposed to and experience societally unconventional ideas will broaden a person’s scope of understanding. Willingness to try something against society’s grain shows a person’s desire to become more than the mold they are told to fit inside of. Allowing sensitivity actually makes someone more of a man in my mind, because he is willing to step outside of the frame he has been told to stay inside of.

The most influential male figures in my life have not been the loud, boisterous in-your-face types that people often equate with male dominance. Don’t get me wrong, those kinds of people are much needed. Because who wouldn’t want to be them, right? Macho-men that are straight out of comic books. No, the men that have shaped who I am have been quiet leaders: behind the scenes workers getting done what needs to be done and expecting no recognition. In my experience, those who get the job done in the background, silently, often accomplish far more than those in the spotlight. The men who have shaped me have been the one’s who are not afraid to tell me how they feel and leave no emotions untapped.

So just because someone isn’t loud and leading others on the front lines doesn’t mean they cannot accomplish great things or are any less important. And just because someone doesn’t conform to the definition of manhood you found in a self-help book at Barnes and Noble does not mean they are not in fact a man.