Written by Michael Claxton
Two weeks ago I went to the local movie theater to see Tim Burton’s new version of “Alice in Wonderland” in 3-D. Having taught Lewis Carroll’s classic in my English courses for years, and having endured several well-intentioned failures to capture its madness on film, I was curious — perhaps even curiouser — to see how the producer of “The Nightmare Before Christmas” would fare with Wonderland. But first I had to sit through an apology from the cinema manager.
I am not making this up. Before the film started, a manager came out to ask the audience to please return the $30-apiece 3-D glasses after the movie. He then apologized for any steam spots on the glasses since, as he said, they are cleaned and sanitized after every showing. But that’s not the apology that struck me. To conclude his speech, he said something like this, “We’ve turned up the volume as loud as we legally can, but I’m sorry if you can’t understand what they’re saying. They’re speaking in that old English way, very soft and proper you know (insert failed accent). Anyway, sorry about that.”
What a very British thing to do — apologize for the accents. I can picture a trailer before the movie with a “beg-your-pardon” by Michael Caine: “We’re terribly sorry, but the actors in the following film are using a dialect that may give Americans some difficulty. We deeply regret the inconvenience and promise that we’ll sound more like Minnie Pearl next time. We do hope you Yanks can still salvage a modicum of pleasure from the film, despite the bother of listening to actual English. Again, sorry.”
It gets better. The teenagers sitting behind me responded to the manager’s speech with the following exchange. Teen One: “What did he say?” Teen Two: “He said they’re gonna speak in Old English.” Teen One: “(expletive).” As the Tweedle brothers continued to lament the upcoming onslaught of stuffiness, I couldn’t help but picture Wonderland in Old English. I could see Alice getting miffed at the Mad Hatter and yelling, “Hwæt! We Gardena in geardagum!” Or battling a Jabberwocky that looks suspiciously like Grendel’s mother. Or ordering the pack of cards to form a “shield wall” against “thæt Redde Queene, cutter of heddes.”
But I shouldn’t be so snippy. Not everyone knows that “Old English” is an ancient language. In fact, as far as some people are concerned, it’s a furniture polish.
What did I think of the film? Even though Burton deviates from the plots (such as they are) of the original Alice books, I believe that Lewis Carroll would approve of his extreme whimsy. Burton has taken Carroll’s nonsense and talking animals (which up until now had to be portrayed by actors like Peter Sellers in a fur costume) and created a frenetic CGI dreamscape that rightly captures the bizarre loopiness of Wonderland.
Burton is especially brilliant at reinstating the dark undertones of the original stories he works from. In Carroll’s books, Alice is terribly uncomfortable in Wonderland, a place that turns all her prim Victorian training on its head. Burton maintains this angst with the ingenious choice of making the child Alice a 19-year-old (played by Mia Wasikowska, who thankfully beat out Lindsay Lohan for the role), struggling to figure out who she truly is. Without too much moralizing — Carroll’s book was insistently NOT a didactic tale for children — the film affirms the importance of self-discovery, even if one must talk to a blue caterpillar smoking a hookah to find it.
And Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter? Well, picture a combination of Willy Wonka, Salvador Dali, and Carrot Top, add a dash of Beetlejuice and a top hat borrowed from the Artful Dodger, and you have the marvelous freak show that is Depp’s mad hat fiend. Understandably, Burton had to edit out the shaggy Hatter’s first line to Alice — “Your hair wants cutting” — to avoid the teapot calling the kettle black. But since it’s not possible to overplay the Mad Hatter, Depp delivers as usual. And Helena Bonham Carter is a scream as the big-headed Queen of Hearts. This is an entertaining film. If only those 3D glasses could provide subtitles for those who don’t speak British.
