Written by Blake Mathews
The following column is strictly tongue in cheek, but if you or your sensibilities are offended by what you read, send me an e-mail. We’ll arrange a meeting and work out your grievances until we’re both laughing about the whole thing.
Once, I only knew opinion pages as they appeared in professional newspapers. They were patchworks of well-written squares and highbrow cartoons that provided commentary on current events without the fetters of objectivity. Working on the Bison has taught me that not all opinion pages fit that description; ours normally do not.
What people choose to have opinions about, I’ve noticed, often has little to do with current events or issues. The ones that do form the first tier of opinion columns that appear in The Bison: the reaction columns. Reaction columns first tell us that something important has happened and follow with how the writer wants you to feel about it. The most effective reaction columns spawn their own reactions, as was the case with the Nonie Darwish dialogue.
The second tier is made up of what I call “topic columns.” Writers who submit these pieces clearly have opinions and want the reader to share them. However, the topics have no timeframe; a column about social network addiction or the pursuit of grades can be written and run anytime. They may not contribute much to water cooler conversations, but these topic columns can still direct attention to important issues.
The third, and biggest, tier is home to the advice column, which is a blanket term for all the submissions with one thing in common: a complete lack of news value. This is not a bad thing in and of itself. One of my favorite columns this semester advised students to quit griping about the liberal arts curriculum and take advantage of it to become a more complete intellectual. Others offer anecdotes that can either brighten your day or challenge you to try harder tomorrow. The advice columns may not technically belong on an opinion page, but their insight into the student mind is invaluable and always welcome.
I say all that to say this: some opinion columns make me think, others make me smile, but an elite few columns and their writers have made me throw up my hands and exclaim, “Dude, just get a Livejournal!” I’m referring to the phenomenon of male writers submitting opinions that read like something scribbled in the margins of a teenage girl’s study Bible.
Let me just say that being a sensitive male is nothing to be ashamed of; regularly writing about feelings of inadequacy, the struggle to love yourself and the world’s overemphasis on being pretty isn’t shameful either … if you’ve got two X chromosomes. If you think I’m implying that women don’t write about important issues, think again. Readers are waiting for intelligent commentary on the real issues that shape and divide our world, and females are delivering while these guys decide how emotionally mature they want to appear in their next column.
Yes, I’m being mean, but I have to be in order to discourage men from using the newspaper to showcase the depth of their feelings. For John Wayne’s sake, if you feel the need to write an advice column, at least make it about something manly! Write about leadership, rugged individualism, honor or anything else because the next column I get from you guys about our dire need for more warm fuzzies is going to rot in my inbox. Save it for your blogs, dudes.
