Written by Emma Weber
There is a lot to love. I tend to ignore this. I have frequently been shown (knowingly and unknowingly) how many ways love is acted out. Despite all the ways and things and people to love, I still find myself longing for the ultimate type. It’s easy at Harding, and in most Christian circles, to believe the goal of love is marriage, that love in its purest form can only be found in relationships geared toward romantic partnership.
“Ring by Spring” is a joke to most students. Yet, even I feel the proverbial clock running out on my marriageability. Fear drives each new friend into a potential match until they eventually walk too loudly or fill up their water bottle and I get “the ick.” This idea appoints value to people based on your own desires.
Don’t fear, I’m not completely tearing down the institution of marriage (they said they couldn’t print me if I tried). I do feel there is an epidemic of love in our culture. A love bug has gone around making it seem as if the only value someone has to you is their aptitude to meet your needs romantically. This pseudo-love is perpetuated by every movie ever, most songs on the radio and the occasional Bible class. We must learn to reject the idea that partnership is the only fulfilling way to love. When you put your hopes and dreams on another person, the ending can only be disappointing. No one person will ever complete you, or even make your life successful. That expectation is too lofty.
In this era of my life, I have been forced into self-discovery. I’ve realized that I have fallen victim to the narrative that my goal in life can never be truly achieved without a partner. I minimized love into a game of winning and losing. This not only reduced my own value but the value of the person I loved. When I lost that relationship, I saw myself as a failure of a person and a woman. However, I needed to learn that love is not a currency that can be traded or earned or convinced. Romantic love — eros for all the Bible majors out there— is given and taken away. Losing people we love leaves holes that sometimes feel so big they swallow our lives. Sometimes our false realities need to be swallowed up.
This is where the beauty of an expanded view of love comes in. The past few months have been evidence that there is more value to love than how quickly you can get a ring. When I was broken-hearted, people showed up for me. They continue to love me even when I can’t produce laughter or silliness. Their love lets me sprawl on their couch and talk about the same problems over and over. Their love makes sure I get the silk pillowcase at sleepovers because my hair is curly. Their love sits in a car and allows me to speak freely. Their love walks with me when I’ve had a bad day. Their love reminds me how valuable love is.
I am who I have loved, and I am also all the love I have chosen to walk away from. All the love I carry is a stained glass window, separated yet still unified into one greater picture, and it all represents who I am and how far I have come. When the light shines through, I can see all my hurt and longing and joy as the grand masterpiece that is my story. I would be stupid to think I made it here myself. I still dream of my wedding day, but I know that if that day never comes, I am not missing out on the chance to love deeply. Singleness is not failure, and the only way to lose at love is by manipulating it into a challenge. I am choosing to see love everywhere because it is. There is a lot to love.
