Written by Emma Weber
Sometimes I get afraid. When I was younger, I was prone to nightmares. The most recurring was that of a demon baby coming to life during a night of babysitting. There was also one that involved a giant alligator and a Band-Aid full of bugs. If I had to guess, I would say this probably stemmed from my fear of failure. I’m still not quite sure what the Band-Aid meant.
When Brad Leithauser, an award-winning poet, was in my class a few weeks ago, I asked him what it means to hate everything you write. He told me it meant I was definitely not a robot, since that technology hasn’t been invented yet. He encouraged me to keep trying, even when I don’t like what turns out.
I listened to a Ted Talk recently from Reshma Saujani called “Teach Girls Bravery, not Perfection.” Saujani talks about the negative effects of a culture that expects people to be perfect. In her experience with her company Girls Who Code, she has found the recurring problem of women in the workplace is expecting perfection or nothing. When met with confusion, they present nothing other than a wrong answer because they are afraid of what failure means.
Imagine it is a Wednesday night and your editor, let’s call her Biane, is asking about your article.
Imagine she says, “What do you have so far?”
You have a blank Google Document and a lot of frustration. You type a few sentences, some about Garfield, others about fast fashion, one about the time you chipped your teeth in a basketball game against the women’s social club Phi Kappa Delta. Instead of showing her your mistakes, you show her nothing.
Sometimes I get afraid that I am not moving spectacularly enough to be proud of myself. In many parts of my life, my best seems like a minuscule movement toward something good. Instead of failing, I would rather have nothing and live in an ignorance of “What if?”
When we teach young women that meeting standards is more important than creativity, we are blocking the creative process. As Saujani put it, “To truly innovate, we cannot leave behind half of our population. I need each of you to tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection.”
So how did these words come to be? I had a very good editor, Tiane, who encouraged me. When I showed her my blank page and told her I was afraid to write the wrong thing, she told me to tell that story.
I don’t want to alienate my male audience here, I know this is something that can be placed on anyone, even if I see it most clearly in females. There is a stigma for men to hold it all together, despite what they may be feeling internally. Too much bravery can result in a failure to name feelings or address issues.
I am speaking from my own experience, and obviously, this may not be the same experience for everyone. Maybe it is, and maybe you are reading this thinking “Wow, I’m glad I’m not the only one who does that! This girl seems cool.” Maybe I am pushing my luck.
Whatever your story is, don’t be afraid. Nightmares can seem real, but they have no true power over you. The same is true for failure. Imperfection is simply a natural result of ingenuity. Be someone who encourages the women and men in your life to be brave. It sounds cheesy, but encouragement can go a long way.
Here’s something you can do to start the journey: Write an opinion piece and send it to me, even if you think you will be bad at it. It’s a process!
