When the pandemic disrupted my junior year, I was actually relieved to get a break from the semester. The spring semester of 2020 was one of my hardest semesters academically, and I hadn’t yet fully comprehended the devastating impact COVID-19 would have on the world. It wasn’t until I was home, alone and isolated from friends and my normal routine, when it hit me that my college experience would never be the same.
The unknown is what I fear the most. I get anxious when the future is unsure, and I feel like I have to know exactly what is going to happen. I’m the type of person who reads the plot to a movie or TV show when things start to take a turn for the worse. I usually end up spoiling the best parts of the story, but I can’t help it. Since I couldn’t read ahead on the unfolding events of 2020, I waited impatiently and anxiously for clarity.
When the murder of George Floyd played on our smartphones, a lot of people hit their breaking point, including me. One after another, stories of men and women of color being assaulted flooded my social media, and I was doing everything I could to keep up. I felt, and still feel, the overwhelming guilt of knowing I had hurt so many Black men and women through my apathetic actions and ignorant conversations. One thing I know for sure is that the pandemic left me feeling angry and lost in who I was going into the year 2020 and who I was coming out of it.
Being a senior in college has been tough, especially jumping through the fiery hoops of the last year. Heightened fear, anger and confusion have torn a lot of people apart on the inside. When I look at pictures of life before masks and social distancing, I hardly recognize the girl in the photos. That girl was determined to graduate college with a degree in journalism and change the world, and now I feel burnt out from a year of reading about the newest conspiracies and political nightmares.
The best part of the last year has been the people who have consistently pushed me to better myself. Jackson Duncan started a sports podcast to remain active during a 9-month quarantine and inspired me to stay productive in my field of study. Dr. Jack Shock has always posted the most wholesome content on his Facebook and has inspired me to look at the positive when life can be cynical. Raissa Ames posted credible sources of information throughout the last year and encouraged me to stay educated on current events and new perspectives.
Being a senior, during a pandemic or not, guarantees the fear of the unknown. Searching for jobs can get tiring, classes can get repetitive and routine can get old, but the unknown after graduation is always there. Although the last year was a difficult year for everyone, we’re going to come out stronger because we’re facing our fears head on. I can’t simply ignore the uncertainty of the future — I have to have faith that we will be OK eventually.
No, I can’t read ahead on the plot of the coming year, but I can remember lessons I’ve learned and continue to grow. I can forge my own path and embrace the unknown. I can continue to look up to others and challenge myself to be better than the person I was yesterday. Being a senior during the pandemic is really no different than what any other college student is going through, and that’s really comforting. We’re all facing uncertainty together.
