We’ve all heard the phrases “trust your instincts,” “rely on your inner voice” and “your heart will tell you what to do.” They are all undeniably sound and proven cliches that some use as the foundation for their entire lives. While they make for a great Instagram caption or Pinterest post, sometimes these cosmic, intangible adages can prove to be very, very wrong. Often they are tried, but not always true.
The same goes for first impressions. It is well understood, or at least should be, that just because a person thinks a certain way about someone based on a 30-second conversation, he or she doesn’t know every detail.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m talking to myself more than anyone else. One of my tragic flaws is my judging nature. And I’m not saying first impressions aren’t important. They are crucial, especially if that is the lens used to interpret a person. They can quite literally define a relationship.
If we’re using cliches then don’t judge a book by its cover. So many explanations for such a simple phrase.
I’ll use myself as an example. When I introduce myself to people, often times they think I’m from one of the coasts. East or west, maybe it’s my taste in style (my Myers-Briggs is JCREW, after all), enunciation or sass that are often their reasoning. You can imagine the dumbfounded looks they give me when I tell them I’m from Arkansas and I have lived here my entire life (they soon realize after the first “y‘all”). To continue the spiral of seemingly far-fetched facts (and for my own personal enjoyment, mostly) I throw a little fuel on the fire: I tell them I grew up on a cow farm.
They then complete the conversation that now seems to me like a mildly entertaining recurring dream (after experiencing it nearly my entire conscious life) by saying something like, “I cannot believe that! That’s crazy!”
Trust me, I know.
I tell this silly story as an example. Give people time to open up. And then keep giving it. Sometimes it just takes a long time to get to really know what makes people the way they are. Not everyone wears their his or her on his or her sleeve. There could be any number of underlying issues, an almost infinite amount that could turn a first impression sour.
If I actually based my relationships on the people who gave a good first impression my circle of friends would be sadder than dropping the cake at a 6-year-old’s birthday party. I think that would hold true for many others, too.
I guess there could be someone out there that just has a really good method of interpreting people and figuring them out immediately. Maybe that person should write a book and share their divine knowledge with the rest of us. Regardless, we should all think twice and then again before stamping a label on someone, especially one that could define an entire relationship.
