After I came to college, going home was never the same. My bedroom didn’t feel like it was mine anymore, even though my parents have left it virtually untouched since I graduated high school four years ago. I’ve even stopped referring to it as home anymore, I call it “my parents’ house.”
At first it was hard not having a place I called home, and sometimes it still is. I think that as people, we like to have a physical space that remains constant, but college is simply not a conducive environment for that concept. It taught me something important, though — not to place value in things, but in people. I don’t have any special attachment to my kitchen or backyard, but I do have a very strong connection to the people with whom I share those spaces.
You have probably heard the phrase “blood is thicker than water.” I can’t speak to the origins of it, but recently I heard this reinterpretation that I love: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” which implies an alternative viewpoint that the bonds you make yourself are stronger than those made by strands of DNA.
I’m adopted, so I was raised with the belief that family is not about who you got your chromosomes from; it’s about who you share your heart with.
A couple years ago, my mom called and asked me: “Cole, do you remember seeing any pictures of me pregnant with you? Because I can’t find any and we must have taken at least a few.” I had to remind her that no, those pictures did not exist. She forgot I was even adopted, which I think is just adorable.
One of the greatest blessings of being adopted is the open-minded attitude my parents instilled in me about the definition of family. I remember hearing about divorce for the first time at a very young age because it was happening to one of my friend’s parents. I said something that was probably rude or insensitive because I didn’t fully understand and kids don’t really have a filter, and my dad firmly told me that they were still as much of a family as anyone else’s.
I used to think divorced families were different simply because I wasn’t raised in one. Some people probably think my family is different because they weren’t raised in it. But what everyone has to learn sooner or later is that just because something is contrary to your idea of normal does not mean it doesn’t belong.
Take a look at our regularly scheduled programming. “Duck Dynasty,” “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” “Sister Wives” and “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” all tell the story of eccentric families. This isn’t a new concept either; we also loved “The Osbournes,” “Being Bobby Brown,” “Hogan Knows Best” and “Jon and Kate Plus 8” — shows that long preceded the reality royalty of 2014.
I love that, at least in the primetime, a variety of family dynamics are highlighted. I can’t say I enjoy every aspect of reality television, but I do think celebrating differences is something we could benefit from emulating.
I’m reminded of the line from “Lilo & Stitch” when Stitch says, “Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” Family is everything, but only you get to decide what your family is.
