In wake of the recent tragedies at Harding, students should take note of the counseling center when dealing with grief and loss. Counseling is available at no cost to students.
Dr. Lew Moore is the director of the counseling center and chair of the marriage and family therapy program at Harding. He said he plays a role in both arenas but especially enjoys spending time counseling students. He has been involved with the counseling program for more than 40 years.
“I really enjoy the counseling part because you are interacting with people who, at college age, are so dynamic and in the middle of so much transition, learning and maturing, and they bring their life experiences from home here,” Moore said. “It is a type of work and ministry that is so special.”
Moore said he understands the importance of talking with someone during a time of loss and grief, as well as of avoiding isolation and instead exposing oneself to life-giving activities. His initial advice to someone who is experiencing a traumatic loss is to seek out a compassionate friend who will walk alongside them in their journey from grief to recovery.
“What that individual needs immediately is a compassionate form of companionship, of ‘being there,'” Moore said. “Not talking. Being there. Because they need to know that they are in the presence of somebody who cares.”
Through conversation with a counselor or a friend, Moore explains there is a natural verbal analysis process that occurs.
“What grows out of (conversation) is an attempt to make sense of something, to think it through, to process, to ask the questions and reflect on it,” Moore said. “We do an initial form of self-analysis or reflecting. What we’re attempting to do, I think, is work through it, once the shock subsides just a little bit. We have to start working through it. It is a requirement, naturally.”
Moore believes it is comforting for a person dealing with loss or grief to talk with a counselor who understands the process or a friend who is experiencing some of the same emotions. He also emphasizes the importance of avoiding isolation during times of distress.
“Typically when we get isolated, we struggle more and we stay longer in the struggle,” Moore said. “If you hide from people or hide from your feelings, you’re in trouble.”
Moore said the opposite of isolation is to be involved in the lives of others and to participate in life-giving activities. He described the exchange of loss for life as the continuation of positive activities that push out the act of dwelling on a traumatic event in life.
“You start noticing when you get up and go do things, and you spend time with your friends, pray about (the situation) and you go to class, go to chapel — without consciously knowing it, the life orientation is flowing back into you,” Moore said. “So it is not that the grief is all over, it’s just that life is flowing back in. Fun will not seem the same for awhile but there’s still a life force. You’re still doing things you need to be doing that are part of living. Living has to continue although it’s impacted by the loss.”
Senior Kylie Walton is a psychology major who said she hopes to be accepted into Harding’s marriage and family therapy program and eventually become a licensed therapist and counselor. She hopes to work with families, married couples and individuals both in and out of the church and sees the value in counseling during times of both minor stress and major grieving.
“I find it very important for people to pursue counseling in times of loss or grief,” Walton said. “Counseling can offer them a safe place to open up about whatever they may be experiencing and can help them learn effective ways to cope at their own pace. It can give them a place of understanding, comfort and encouragement to help them handle their grief.”
Walton said she enjoys learning about the psychological factors that influence the ways humans react to events in life, both big and small.
“Psychology has taught me the importance of finding healthy ways to handle a little stress to serious crises,” Walton said. “It is also fascinating and quite useful to learn the different approaches to therapy and how it applies to the innumerable situations that may come up with each individual client.”
Students in the marriage and family therapy program meet with clients from the community but the counseling center is primarily in place for Harding students.
“We exist for (the students),” Moore said. “There’s no other reason why we’re here. We do see some faculty and staff but that’s just a small amount of people. Our job is to be with the students.”
The counseling center is located on the third floor of the McInteer building in room 313 and is open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Help or more information is available at counseling@harding.edu.
