Attention: What you are about to read could quite possibly be the most important information regarding your social life here at Harding. As you may have noticed, getting into a social club is a great honor, however, that pales in comparison to getting a jersey thrown over you and representing a girls’ club as a beau.
We have spent hours analyzing, summarizing, finalizing, characterizing, alphabetizing and hypnotizing all the beaux on campus (we didn’t really hypnotize) and comprised a list of what girls’ clubs are looking for in beaux for their club.
The “All-Star.” This would be the Ryan Gosling of beaux. Handsome, athletic, funny and sweet. Is there anything that this guy is not good at? This is the kind of guy that everyone on campus knows and no guy wants to compete with, especially on a voting ballot.
The “Awww … He’s so sweet” guy. This would be the Morgan Freeman of beaux. When you see him you just have to give this guy a hug. This guy’s a great listener and constant supporter. He will be the one that sends a sweet text when you need it the most. He’s never too busy to stop and talk. The hardest part about beauxing this guy is pulling him away from playing charades with Lucille and Joyce at the nursing home long enough to throw a jersey over him.
The “How has this guy not been beauxed yet” guy. This would be the George Clooney of beaux. Although you would think he’d be taken, he’s still available. This guy has slipped under the radar for far too long. The only thing comparable to beauxing someone like this is when you stay too long after chapel and assume that all the chicken biscuits are gone because it’s 10:50, only to see in the distance one chicken biscuit in pristine condition glimmering under those heat lamps. Don’t miss your opportunity for this chicken beau-scuit.
The “Dark Horse.” This would be the Michael Cera of beaux. Even though only a few girls in the club actually know this guy, he has made a big enough impact on them to win the hearts of the rest. This guy will be completely caught off guard, but nonetheless, he will give 100 percent to the club. At first it will seem like he is a new member during club week with all the names he has to learn, but he knows it’s all worth it, and it’s the least he can do in return. Comparable only to a parent getting an iPhone for the first time — they really don’t know what to expect or how to handle it, but before you know it, they are sending you “rotfl” and emoticons like they’ve had a smartphone for years.
While these are usually the types of guys that get beauxed, we would like to make it clear that there are definitely exceptions to our claims. Sometimes guys get beauxed without falling into one particular category … like us. Oh, and one last piece of advice — don’t buck. It’s more pathetic than Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball.
Authored by Clint Peyton and Jackson Shamblin
