One week from today most of us begin the journey home in honor of all Thanksgiving festivities. Now don’t get me wrong — I love Thanksgiving as much as the next caf-starved college student, but it doesn’t seem to matter how old I get, I’m placed at the “kids’ table” every year. I am the youngest in my family, and so there’s quite an age gap between me and whichever relative is placed next to me.
I’m sure many of you can immediately identify with this situation, but for those of you who aren’t sure where you stand, or in this case, where you sit, I’ve included the following indicators to help you differentiate if you’ve moved on to adulthood or if you’re still a reoccurring resident of the kids’ table.
You may be at the kids’ table if: The table is made out of an extension of another table, card table or some other makeshift dining area. Take a look around. Is there a slightly taller, slightly larger table next to yours? Is the other table the one that contains all the food? Which table is closest to the pies cooling on the counter? There’s an exact distance-from-table-to-pie equation that can clearly identify the status of the table at which you’ve been placed. So those of you who complain about never using algebra in every day life can bitterly mumble your complaints all the way back to said kids’ table.
You may be at the kids’ table if: There are cups instead of glasses, and presumably none of them match. If the cup you’re drinking out of for this festive occasion was once in a McDonald’s promotional event, you’re probably at the kids’ table.
You may be at the kids’ table if: You’re sitting on a chair that was never intended to be a chair; common examples are ottomans and piano benches. Another way to tell is if you are sharing a chair with someone else, or worse, with more than one someone else. It’s like a weird wild-chair call when my mom demands that we need more places to sit around the table. Suddenly chairs come out of the woodworks in lieu of being carried over people’s heads and being rolled out of offices –– not to mention the couch cushions being swept right out from under some poor by-sitter who picked the wrong sofa.
You may be at the kids’ table if: You avoid talking about money and politics and instead enter into a heated argument about whether the pirates or the ninjas would stand a better chance in an all-out alien invasion. Both conversations are an attempt to make the world a better place, but one conversation tends to accomplish more than the other; I’ll let you decide which one is which.
You may be at the kids’ table if: The more you eat is impressive rather than shameful. If you are reaching for a third helping of potatoes, there is nothing directed toward you but the utmost respect. There’s no “be sure to save room for dessert” or any discouragement of the kind. In fact, you are often scolded for leaving anything on your plate. So go for another serving and continue to impress your comrades.
Now if any of these situations identify you as a kids’ table native – have no fear. The kids’ table is often the most fun. There’s always the danger of getting into an involuntary food fight, being shown a booger, or even worse — having your own meal delayed in order to cut up bite-size portions for the locals, but overall they’re a fairly accepting crowd. There’s always room for more at the kids’ table.
