You may have noticed by now that campus seems to currently be scattered with alumni, proud parents and an overwhelming sense of pirate-themed camaraderie. Welcome aboard. But really — I’ve had random pirate songs stuck in my head all week. They tried to offer me an honorary role in the musical, but I had to turn it down due to severe sea-sickness, but also because of my unprecedented lack of talent. Maybe next time. But with all the piracy in the air (well, you know what I mean), it makes me wonder, where is our pirates’ code? I saw nothing in the student handbook regarding pirate life and behavior, not to mention an integrity policy.
But there’s one specific portion of the code that I think some adherence to could benefit our student body, and that is how we dress. I’d just like to address a few specific critiques in appearance to best represent pirate apparel and accessories.
Now I know what you’re thinking — it seems a little excessive to try to add any more Harding rules. But I like to think of them more as guidelines than actual rules. And with that joke out of the way, I invite you to swap your Ray Bans for a telescope as we take a closer look at the situation. What I really mean to say is, if you’re going to look like a pirate, you might as well make the most of it.
Beards: A beard can say a lot about you. We know from Black Beard, most members of the Robertson family and even our very own James A. Harding that beards can be key in representing both manliness and occasionally, stellar universities. That being said, there needs to be a limit. If you need a hair tie to gather it together in a Dumbledore-esque fashion, then it’s time to reign it in a bit. To be more specific, beards should be trim and tidy and free from all chicken biscuit debris.
Boots: We’ve officially moved on from Chaco season, and while a few laggards remain, most girls have adopted the season as time to pull out the boots. I’m not especially particular about boots, but I do know that boots with heels are probably a giant mistake for all of womankind. Primarily because it is just so dangerous. While we may not be slipping around on the deck of a ship, inclement weather is all too common around this time of year. But also, you look somewhat ridiculous. If you’ve seen someone trying to hobble to chapel at a brisk pace while wearing heels, you know that safety is not guaranteed.
Piercings: There’s been some debate on why people get so many piercings. People (moms) often ask: Do you think they make you look better? Well, surprisingly enough, it used to be common belief that the precious metals in pirates’ earrings improved their eyesight. So I guess it really does make you look better. Let’s move on.
Scarves: I’ve heard people rant about how girls now know how to tie scarves in more ways than sailors know how to tie knots, but perhaps that’s just our generation adapting to the environment. In any case, keep it simple.
Hats: Maybe just don’t. If it is not being worn for the sole purpose of keeping the sun out of your eyes, I’d advise skipping it altogether. Even in pirate-times it was a privilege to wear hats, and unless your name is Jason Mraz then you haven’t earned the right to be recognized for your weird array of hats.
I’m more than happy to provide this reference to all those who take nautical fashion ideas into “not-a-cool” fashion ideas. So you’re welcome for that.
