Growing up, most of us were encouraged to share. Whether it was our Polly Pockets or a seat on the school bus, sharing has always been a universally acknowledged gesture demonstrating that you care. But as we are now relatively grown-up, sharing is important for other reasons. When we were kids, sharing was about being generous instead of selfish, and learning to care about others before yourself. It’s a similar situation today, just less about material things. We’re not sharing Polly Pockets and seats on the school bus anymore. We’re sharing our thoughts, opinions and ideas. Saying exactly what you think and exactly how you feel shouldn’t be embarrassing or degrading, because keeping your thoughts to yourself is selfish and doesn’t benefit anyone.
Recently, I drove past Starbucks and saw my brother walking in for a coffee. Naturally, I yelled “Brother” repeatedly and obnoxiously in an attempt to get his attention. He did not turn around and squeal back “Sister” like I had imagined. In fact, he ignored what might be considered a loud buffoon driving by. Alas -— as I rolled up the car window I was not dismayed nor was I embarrassed. I would do it again if I got the chance. If yelling obnoxiously is what it takes to show someone that you care – just to say hello or to embarrass them – it was worth it.
Being strange and ridiculous around my brother is no big deal. It is a fundamental part of being siblings. There are a few friends I have this relationship with, whom I can also be completely myself around. I can tell them when they are wrong (always) and they can tell me when I’m an idiot (never). We are comfortable around each other. Sometimes we embarrass each other, we make fun of each other more often than not, and we can be openly angry with each other from time to time. These are the relationships I can truly value.
All this to say that I care. I would never want to hurt or ruin any of these wonderful relationships. Yet, we are all constantly pushing the limits in what we say to one another. I don’t tip-toe around their feelings nor do they with mine. So I propose the saying “sharing is caring” as a general life philosophy. It is not just about sharing our Polly Pockets anymore, people. It is about giving away something that is dear to us. I believe sharing our feelings, thoughts and ideas with another person is how to show we truly care. Holding back is a selfish scape-goat in any relationship.
It’s easy to use the excuse of not wanting to offend anyone.
We don’t want to offend our friends or roommates or classmates because regardless of how fabulously sassy you are, offending someone feels rude. However, holding back your opinion or feelings in a situation makes them none-the-wiser and avoiding any sort of confrontation does nothing for the emotions you’ve been bottling up.
If you respectfully bring up that they need to take a shower more than once a week, who knows, they just might thank you someday because people sit near them now. My best friends are the ones who tell me I have spinach in my teeth. (Yes, I eat spinach after my role model Popeye.) The point is, the less honest people are, the more distant their bond is.
Pushing the limits of your friendship can challenge you, and while you do not want to be completely open with every single person in your life, it’s important to make honesty a priority. Keep in mind that holding back is just another boundary. It is a wall, and while some walls are good, start working on the ones you want to come tumbling down (no “Wrecking Ball” references, please and thank you). It will only make room for you to grow. Be honest with someone and show them who you really are. Chances are you are probably somewhat cool with a hint of weird — which any sensible friend translates as awesome. Show them you care.
