Remember the last time you and someone else sat down over a cup of coffee and had a discussion about an important topic you disagreed on? At first, it seemed like you could never agree, but after a long period of thoughtful conversation and some pretty sweet persuasion on your part, that person came to his or her senses and realized you were right. At the close of your meeting, you high-fived and skipped out of the café together after successfully and efficiently resolving a conflict.
Of course you don’t, because this has literally never happened. In a perfect world, every person on earth would have well-thought-out and unbiased opinions about everything. Problems would be resolved calmly and respectfully, and with a fun, willing-to-learn attitude. Instead of that happy fantasy of people actually listening and getting along, we have arguments to settle our differences.
Arguments are some of the most common and yet most pointless and annoying occurrences on the planet. The chaos that ensues when two people disagree on a specific issue or topic can be extremely entertaining at times, but at others, extremely uncomfortable. Nothing ruins a perfectly good meal like listening to a group of loud, upset, misinformed people who are having a shouting match in between bites of their salad.
This happens because of one simple human flaw: We cannot stand to be wrong. Even if you are not an argumentative person, when you hear someone ranting about a chain email he or she received saying Sarah Palin has an evil twin, you have to intervene. Of course once you spark an argument, this person has some very credible sources at his or her disposal (like a great aunt who knows someone who used to live in Alaska), which only feeds the flame and makes you more and more upset. The argument continues to spiral out of control, leading to a brain aneurism on your part and accomplishing nothing .
So the question is: What can we do to avoid arguments? Are we supposed to just agree with all people, even if we feel they are wrong? Of course not. If you hear your friend telling you the actor who plays Joey on “Friends” is Matthew Perry, you need to calmly and respectfully inform him of his mistake. However, one of the reasons people become so defensive when you dispute them is not that they are completely insane and just want to argue; they are probably just insecure. And guess what? You probably are too.
Think about it: When you reveal a piece of information to a group of people, nothing hurts your pride more than when an unsympathetic friend points out that China actually manufactures the most rice in the world, not India, stupid. Even though you know he is probably right — you don’t know a thing about rice, and you just wanted to prove to a girl you know a thing or two about staple crops in Asian countries — you cannot possibly let him humiliate you like that in public. So of course, you argue your side unflinchingly.
My point is that if your main rationale for pointing out someone’s inaccuracy is to humiliate him or her or make yourself seem intellectually superior, the end result could be two parties with hurt egos, a damaged friendship and some pretty annoyed bystanders. So next time you want so badly to let your friend know just how wrong he is about the origin of ballpoint pens, think about your motives. Maybe together we can make the world a wiser and less argumentative place.
