As defined by Merriam-Webster, a creeper is “a person or thing that creeps.”Well, it’s also defined as a one-piece garment for a child at the crawling age, but that’s not what I’m talking about. The way I see it, creepers are an ever-present, all-too-common subspecies of the male gender.
Now, this might sound a little harsh right off the bat, but this isn’t coming out of a mean place in my heart.
This is coming from a girl who gets awkwardly harassed all too often. I’m not trying to brag either. Attracting a creeper is nothing to be proud of — in fact, I should be a little bit embarrassed. If I attract weirdoes, what does that say about me? That’s neither here nor there, though. The purpose of this commentary is not to tell you how to get a girl. What I can do is illustrate some situations that are definitely not OK in any circumstance.
Failing tactic No. 1 is the anonymous email. Never in a million years will a normal girl respond positively to a secret admirer who told her, “I do not know you, and you do not know me. My heart aches to be with you. I wish to make you smile just so I can experience it more.” Opening an email like that from a made-up email address does nothing but make a person uncomfortable. Whether or not that person was joking around or being serious — that’s weird. Actually, it makes me want to cover my head in a paper bag in order to avoid being stalked by Mr. “I don’t know you, but I’ve sent you three creepy messages.”
Also, if you are working at your job at, I don’t know … let’s say Walgreens, don’t come rolling up to a girl on a shopping cart outside in the dark asking how old she is, if she’s single and if she’s busy. The first problem is that you came rollin’ up on a shopping cart — that’s just asking to be made fun of. Also, you’re working. If she didn’t already notice that you followed her around everywhere in the store, the fact that you were waiting outside on a cart really meant you weren’t doing anything productive.
As for on-campus hazards. If you are a senior and you casually see a freshman in the caf, it might not be a good idea to Facebook chat her five times a day. The fact that you somehow found her on Facebook is strike one, your Facebook chatting her the first time is strike two and the perpetual chatting (that I assume she ignores or says she has to “go study”) is the third strike — you’re out. She’s not that busy and even if she has to study, the only reason she’s doing it now is to avoid talking to you. She will also actively avoid you when you tell her she “looked really pretty today,” despite the fact you’ve never met nor has she ever seen you in her life.
To play it safe, I usually like to stick with the rule that if you haven’t talked with someone face to face, it’s probably a bad idea to try and talk to him or her online. Only awkward situations come from that. And while we’re talking about Facebook, if any part of your name is “moneyflow,” “imakeitrain,” “showtime,” “smooth” or any other title your mamma didn’t name you, I won’t accept your friend request and I won’t reply to your message.
The worst creeper experience I’ve ever had was in high school. There was a boy who followed me everywhere for more than three years, stared backward at me while watching movies in biology and, at school dances, I would literally have to hide behind my friends to avoid his finding me. One time I went out to the school parking lot (which holds 500-plus cars) and there were only two cars left. As I got to my car I heard a “Hey, Nicole,” and guess who it was? Just the creeper following me to his car — parked right next to mine. Mind you, it’s about 11 o’clock at night. Out of the other 499 spots, somehow his car was neighbors with mine. Not OK. The stalking continued through college, when he somehow got my number and tried to text me. He was genuinely shocked and upset when I bluntly told him he was really creeping me out. This was years ago and to this day he is blocked on my Facebook, and rumor has it, he has gotten in a bit of trouble with the law.
This is a major problem.
Creepy behavior is all too common these days and as an easily creeped-out girl, that makes me sad. A girl should not have to run in and out of a store before a manager sees her. She should not have to create a list on Facebook labeled “creepers” to prevent certain people from seeing when she’s online.
I know, I know. The Lonely Island told you to “get your arms flexin’ and your arms T-rexin’ and creep,” but I beg you not to listen. Don’t be a creeper. The creepy things you’re thinking of doing aren’t going to work anyway, so let’s save both you and the target of your creep-o-meter some time and keep the questionable comments, stalking and obsession to ourselves.
