Ademographic of our fine school is sadly being neglected. Although almost everyone loves and adores them, no one is giving much thought to their well-being. One of the very first groups ever to call our campus home, they are still ignored, deprived and even abused. I just cannot believe that they are not getting the respect they deserve. Something must be done to help these mistreated creatures.
Who are these sad little guys? The squirrels.
These cute and cuddly rodents have brought countless hours of joy to all of us. Yet we continue to treat them as second-class citizens. Lately, a sizable number of brown fuzzy pancakes have been littering our school grounds. Their tattered bodies lie squashed and decaying. Just in the last week I have counted three squirrel corpses. I know if I counted three in just a week, there have to be so many more unidentified mangled bodies out there. If only our squirrels could fly like Rocky, then they would not end up as road kill.
No one wants to take a life. It is not as though people are trying to kill the squirrels, but sometimes it is just unavoidable. I have had many near misses in the past, and I regrettably have struck one of our hairy little friends. I felt terrible for a while, but with the number of fluffy projectiles darting across the roads, it was bound to happen. They are fearless animals, even daredevils.
Admittedly, there is a problem. We need to not stand idly by and pretend there is nothing wrong with this picture. Sometimes it just takes talking about an issue to find the solution. I have some ideas that can get us thinking about what could be done to protect our fuzzy friends’ lives.
A squirrel crossing would provide a way for our four-legged friends to get around safely. It will be difficult to train them to stick to their paths, but with some kind of reward system in place it would not be impossible. Maybe Harding Academy tots could be hired as crossing guards.
With such a large campus we need a lot of electricity, and what better source of that electricity than squirrel power? If we could harness the energy of the squirrels, it would solve multiple problems. With wheels for the squirrels to run on, they would be getting plenty of exercise, and in the process be saving Harding money. This solution would also keep them safe and off the streets. Better yet, they could also produce much-needed electricity for the Christmas lights.
The Squirrel Protection Agency, or SPA, is a group on Facebook that has been around for several years. Its goal is to better educate people about squirrels and to help protect their rights. If it were made mandatory by Harding that we had to join, we would better understand the squirrels. We need to be able to connect with them so we can better coexist. Like the squirrels.
“Planet of the Squirrels,” coming spring 2020. If we continue on this same path, the squirrels may get so fed up with our oppression that they take over. Our new board of trustees will be Alvin, Simon and Theodore. Instead of going to the cafeteria we will be digging in the front lawn for our lunch. Chapel will be a little harder to understand with Sandy Cheeks and Scrat the sabertooth squirrel leading it. Not to mention the dress code will be awkward.
If we do not act soon, I’m afraid things are going to get pretty nutty around here.
