Written by Dr. Cliff Ganus III
Professor Michael Claxton’s clever verseMaintains sports fans couldn’t do much worseThan yelling for the “Bisons” at a game,Ignoring the plain fact that the team’s nameIs “Bison,” with no added “s.”But is it true that they in error cry,”Go Bisons”? Should this usage terrifyAn educated professorial type?I think not, feeling that the time is ripeTo ask my friend to reassess.It’s true — a bison on the western plain,If joined by kindred fellows, would retainThe same collective noun as if alone.Our English language is a fertile zoneOf plural forms that can confuse.But when we use a capital to startA noun, complex conventions fall apart.With proper nouns uniquely we deviseA quick and simple way to pluralize;The letter “s” is what we use.I beg to cite a few examples soThe gentle reader knows which way to go.If Jonas Wolf should start a family,They would not be the Jonas Wolves, you see;The Jonas Wolfs would be their name.Mr. and Mrs. Child would not be knownAs “Children,” but as “Childs” (they’re fully grown);And Lloyd and Brenda Berry I’ll not writeAs “Berries,” but as “Berrys.” See the light?The Cherrys I would treat the same.So dear Professor Claxton, once again,Please don’t turn to the dictionary whenYou seek the plural for a proper noun.The Wolfs, the Berrys, Childs — they all confoundFamiliar customary rules.And so do Bisons. Yes, it’s true and rightWhen Saturday we shout, “Go Bisons! Fight!”We’ll be using the proper plural mode,Though some may think we’re simple rural oldUnlearned grammatical fools.Were there a race for cleft-hooved quadrupedsWith buffaloes and bovine thoroughbreds,We’d shout, “Run, bison!” and we’d get it right.But rules for plurals are not black and whiteWith proper nouns. My case I press.For Bison’s not a genus, but a nameWhen capitalized at a football game.Where two or three are gathered, they’re a herdOf “Bisons.” Yes, that is the proper word.Please, Michael, sir, ere I digressAllow us to append the “s.”
