Written by Jessica Ardrey
Let me paint you a picture. I sit down at my computer. I open a Word document. I settle into my oversized office chair, ready to pen the next greatest edition of Stuff Harding Kids Like.Almost ready.I need music. I open iTunes and peruse my playlists, scrolling back and forth past titles such as “Glee,” “Crunk” and “The Real Dirty South.” Suddenly I know exactly what I want to hear.Pat Benatar.Which beautifully segues to my topic: Harding kids like retro stuff.If you think I plan on talking about bell-bottoms, go ahead and rid yourself of that notion. Yes, I wore them when they sort of came back in junior high, but I threw them out with my Giga Pets and Hanson albums.In our beloved retro world, there are two realms: The old and the new.Let us first address the actual retro, the old. As a general rule, we like old music. Whether we actually know their music or not, we love the Beatles. You put those four not particularly nice-looking faces on a shirt and we’re going to buy it.And then there are the ’80s. I, like many on this campus, was born in 1989. What does this mean? Does this mean it’s a complete tragedy that I missed out on a great decade? Does it mean that I still fully claim myself as a child of the ’80s? Does it mean that I may or may not look down on those younger than me because they were born in the ’90s?Yes.Let’s just be honest. How many of us have a soft spot for Ferris Bueller? And how many of us have at least one black ’80s band shirt in our closets? I mean, my heart broke a little when my Queen shirt got its first hole.And then there’s the whole hippie craze that made its way around campus, but that’s a whole different column in itself. Don’t worry, Mr. Barefoot and Dreads. You’re on my list.Now let’s move on to the new retro. I like to think of this more as nostalgia. This is basically mad love for anything we grew up with in the ’90s. This is why when I mentioned Giga Pets and Hanson earlier, you were inadvertently overwhelmed by feelings of heartbreak from when your digital frog died every day while you were in school and feelings of entrancement at mention of the silken locks of the Hanson bros. The thing about nostalgic retro is that it creates an instant bond between strangers. For instance, when you meet someone new and you hit that snag in the conversation where it’s starting to get awkward, all you have to do is start talking about “The Mighty Ducks.” If they’re still not buying, bring up your Super Nintendo; dropping titles like “Street Fighter II” or “Killer Instinct.” And if, after extensive “Ghostbuster” action figure descriptions, the conversation’s still failing, that person is brain-dead, in which case you should probably call 911.Anyway, because I’m such a kind soul, I’ve made you a cheat-sheet. That’s right. Here’s a list of retro things you have to like. If you can’t bear to like some of them, at least brush up on some major talking points on the subjects:• Def Leppard• Heavyweights• Leather• Frank Sinatra• Vinyl• Phil Collins• Mortal Kombat• Flannel• Saved By the Bell• Chuck TaylorWell, there you go. You’re now officially set for the rest of your life. That is, as long as you only talk to people in your general age range. If you need practice, you can come work on your “Boy Meets World” trivia with me. We’ll be friends in no time.Because I know that’s what you really want.
