Written by Jessica Ardrey
Delta! (Ch-ch-ch-ch) Gamma! (Ch-ch-ch-ch) Woo! Woo! Delta Gamma! Woo! Woo! (Ch-ch-ch-ch)Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. Don’t mind me; I’m just trying to ride this train.All right, bros and bettys. I feel congratulations are in order. You’ve almost made it through club week. Now, whether or not you survive the night is a jersey of a different color.Just kidding. Maybe.Regardless of what may or may not happen in the woods tonight, Harding kids definitely like social clubs.Let me go ahead and give props to those who aren’t in clubs. This week might have been a bit annoying at times, but you come out of it fully rested and smelling like a rose. Genius.The inductees, however, haven’t slept in a week and smell like a mixture of Febreze and Monster energy drinks.It’s been a long week, hasn’t it? But just think about how you’ve changed in a few days’ time!On Monday, you reluctantly entered the Stu (which you used to call the “student center,” pssh) and stood awkwardly looking for your club’s table. You didn’t really know the names of the old members. You were shy. You had a voice.And now look at yourself! As soon as you walk in the doors, you automatically head directly to your designated area, your turf. You’ve met countless members of the opposite sex. Odds are you’ve minorly dated all of them.You know way more about the people in your club than you’d ever hope to learn, including a member’s roommate’s ex’s ferret’s name. So that’s cool.You also now have the voice of Louis Armstrong. I’m lookin’ at you, Miss Zeta Rho.Tomorrow morning, you’re going to wake up around 2 p.m. and smile. I mean, sure, you’ll probably ask yourself, “Just how dead am I?”But it’ll be over. There will be no more pledge name, no more screaming at All Club until that unsightly vein pops out of your forehead, no more carrying around a can of Slim Fast signed by vice president for spiritual life Bruce McLarty.Oct. 30 will be a good day.Plus, you made it. You’re in a club. Not just any club. The best club. And you get all the perks: sports, functions, Spring Sing. Oh, and brothers and sisters, unity and all that jazz.On a side note, I’ve tried my hardest to avoid the word “unity” all week. It gets old when you’re barking it every five minutes.That’s why, for your reading pleasure, I’ve compiled a list of synonyms that helped me dance around that word. Feel free to use them copiously.Unity: oneness, togetherness, bond, connection, inseparability, communion, accord …Trash. Turns out there aren’t many good words to use instead of unity. That explains why I used it so much this week.But honestly, I think social clubs are pretty much wonderful. Apart from the sports and the functions and all that oneness, I’ve met some of my best friends in Shantih. And, even though being a VP almost killed me this week, it was totally worth every exasperating moment and all the botched plans.So let’s make sure we keep the memories we made this week. Let’s remember the big bows, the numerous musical performances in the Stu, Gamma Sigma Phi Day.Face it: These stories are going to be real good in the future when our grandkids’ club weeks are cake. They’ll probably sit back in a chair and pledge a club in virtual reality. Then they’ll hop on their hoverboards and scoot on over to the Cyber Stu for a Pepsi before they pick a fight with Biff. Or something like that.But when it comes to this week, all I can say is Gamma Sigma Phi.I mean, well done.
