Written by Rachel Denizen
Marriages seem to be in trouble in America, but especially in the church today. Love seems to be something rarely shown, and even more rarely seen.
One cannot turn on the television without seeing a reality dating show where relationships are generated out of thin air, and love seems to be something that you catch rather than something that is built. But I do not have to look as far as a television set to see relationships that seem to develop in the blink of an eye.
I cannot help noticing how quickly romantic relationships begin and progress on Harding’s campus. It seems as though students begin dating and in less than a year they are engaged or married. I realize that time seems to move faster on campus because students see one another numerous times on a daily basis, whereas anywhere else they would see each other maybe once a day, but more realistically a few times a week.
When I see these progressively moving relationships, I cannot help wondering what the people involved in these relationships are thinking. I don’t mean that in a negative way, but rather quite literally — what are they thinking?
According to theEnrichment Journal, as reported on divorcerate.org, the divorce rate in America is 41 percent of all first marriages.
My maternal grandparents were married in their 20s, and have been married for more than 50 years. Each gave up things and sacrificed for the sake of their marriage and family. I am sure when they got married they did not think about how, as a couple, they would handle life’s hardships. But one thing they did think about and that was important to them was each other’s sense of commitment to God and to family.
Despite an extremely healthy lifestyle, a few years ago my grandmother had a stroke. Strokes affect each victim differently, and this stroke affected my grandmother in ways that would not become apparent until years later.
This particular stroke changed, in many ways, my grandmother’s personality. She has trouble articulating what she wants to say, although you know what she is wanting to say. At times she cannot get it out, and she forgets what has happened 10 minutes earlier. Sometimes she forgets that she is at home, and on rare occasions she forgets that she is married to my grandfather.
She no longer does her hair and make-up, something she once took great pride in doing perfectly. She no longer cares if her outfit is fashionable and matching from head to toe. She has now forgotten many of the things that made her, well, her.
Each morning my grandfather wakes up, eats breakfast and drinks his coffee while watching the sun rise. He then runs down the street and gets the groceries for that day and grabs a paper. When he gets home he wakes my grandmother, gives her medicine that she has to sit still in bed for about 45 minutes after taking.
He makes her breakfast downstairs, gets all of her medicine out, and then goes back upstairs to make sure she gets dressed and then comes down to eat her breakfast. He makes sure she takes all of her pills, one by one, and enjoys her breakfast. If it is a Monday, Wednesday or Friday, he and my grandmother go to the mall and walk for about an hour to help my grandmother’s osteoporosis.
Sometimes on the way home they stop to get a bagel and coffee as a little treat. For the rest of the day, my grandfather will do household chores, read the paper, watch the news and get the mail.
My grandmother usually does little things like wipe the sink down. Sometimes she will forget and pack various “bags” with clothes — as if she is on a trip and going home soon. Since my grandmother forgets a lot when you are talking to her, it is difficult to carry on an in-depth conversation. So my grandfather rarely has anyone with whom to discuss deep ideas or opinions.
My grandfather fixes lunch for the two of them, and then when night comes he fixes them both dinner. He makes everything himself from scratch, and he always makes sure the meals are all-natural and healthy. The next day everything begins again, and my grandfather performs the same routine.
Although many would tell my grandfather it is within his right to place my grandmother in an assisted-living facility where people can take care of her 24/7, this is not an option for my grandfather. Although the closest family member lives 16 hours away, he cares for my grandmother every day on his own.
My grandfather’s commitment and dedication to God and to his marriage is what drives him every day to care for my grandmother and to show her, what I believe to be, the epitome of true love.
So yes, I often think, what are those couples thinking?
Are they thinking they are enamored by this guy or girl’s steadfast commitment to God? Are they thinking this guy or girl is going to stand by them, no matter what happens in this life, even when the world seems to be crumbling? Are they thinking that this person is going to love and care for them always, even when they can no longer remember their name? Are they thinking that this person is going to be compassionate and kind to them when it is difficult and the situation tries their patience? Are they thinking that this person’s love mirrors God’s love to His children?
There are times when my grandmother sits with my grandfather in his favorite chair and holds his hand and kisses him, and for a moment you can tell she clearly remembers their relationship. Those are times when I get a glimpse of what true love looks like, and I am in awe of it.
I rarely see true love today, and in our generation hardly at all. I fear couples today, especially on a college campus where marriage seems to be a self-inflicted pressure for so many, do not take true love — love the way God intended — into consideration when looking for that significant other.
I fear couples enjoy recreational dating and do not look past the perfect teeth, witty jokes, nice physique or “fun times” they have with each other. When these things fade away, what will be left? I wonder if couples take emotional, spiritual and the numerous other life values into consideration. I hope they do. If they are building the kind of love God displays in the Bible, and every day in our lives, then it will last forever.
If people begin to seek true love, then maybe our marriages will last and our families will be healthier and stronger because we know that true love never fails (I Corinthians 13:8).
