Written by Blake Mathews
Though I failed to see any of the speakers for Harding’s 86thAnnual Lectureship series, I did spend plenty of time this week walking through the Student Center. Like the markets of ancient Jerusalem and Christian Rome, the place had become a bazaar for vendors targeting Lectureship pilgrims.
Amid the plethora of posterboards, packs of pitchmen pushed their products onto the perusing pious (phew!), and I couldn’t help but marvel at the resolve some of those vendors displayed. Their dedication, creativity and boldness have earned them my respect, but the standouts among them are more than just vendors. In my book, they are heroes.
If you haven’t heard of Budweiser’s “Real American Heroes” radio ads, I recommend you look them up on YouTube before reading further.
(Drum set intro)
Harding University presents: Real Lectureship Heroes.
(Male backing vocals: “Real Lectureship Heeeeroooooes!”)
Today we salute you, Ms. Healing Power Oil Seller.
(MBV: “Missus Healing Power Oil Seller!”)
Taking your cue from the original apostles, you heal others through the laying on of hands. But only you go the extra mile and offer a good on-the-spot rubdown.
(MBV: “Rub it in now!”)
Armed with biblical scented oils that defy secular medical science, you offer cures for diabetes and nearsightedness, plus the Holy Spirit for just $39.99 a vial.
(MBV: “Smells like Teen Spirit!”)
Some people might cry “witchcraft” or “shenanigans,” but you know that the unbelievers will be cast out into the darkness, where there will be weeping and dry, cracking skin.
(MBV: “It’s somewhere in Leviticus!”)
So we say thanks to you, O Priestess of Petroleum, because thou anointest our heads with oil, and our credulity runneth out.
(MBV: “Missus Healing Power Oil Sellllllller!!”)
OK, one more.
(Drum intro)
Harding University presents: Real Lectureship Heroes.
(MBV: “Real Lectureship Heeeeroooooes!”)
Today we salute you, Vaguely Christian Apparel Vendor.
(MBV: “Vaguely Christian Apparel Vendor!”)
In an age when crosses are cliché and the Jesus fish is going belly-up, you created a Christian symbol that proclaims our faith at a socially acceptable volume.
(MBV: “Don’t turn it up now!”)
Is it a boulder and an empty tomb? Is it a trendy abstract design? Is it Pac Man and one of those mop-shaped ghosts? The secular T-shirt world won’t know how to handle your subterfuge.
(MBV: “Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyyyyde!”)
You say your apparel will get conversations started. Of course, once we explain your crafty Christian symbolism, we might as well be wearing our shirts from Church Camp ’05.
(MBV: “Take me to the river!”)
So hold your head high, O Clothing Cryptographer, because your shirts let us be not of this world … and still in fashion.
(MBV: “Vaguely Christian Apparel Vennnnndor!!”)
