Written by Danielle Morales
For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails or late-night phone calls to analyze the puzzling behavior of men. We make up stupid excuses to explain why a guy acts the way he does. But the honest truth as to why he’s not dating, calling or marrying you is: He’s just not that into you.
The book and movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” have helped women realize why men act the way they do, but they miss minor situations that women find themselves in all the time. It could be a “booty-call,” but we’ll call it a pick-me-up. You’ll get used or played thinking a guy is interested in you when really he just needs a little attention. Let’s take a deeper look at what might be happening…
If he only talks to you when he’s lonely or when he’s bored, he’s just not that into you. If he Facebook chats you randomly and says he’s bored then he’s only using you as a back-up chick. Guys will look for the easiest target, because they’re lazy. If no girl is digging them one night, they look for a last resort to boost their egos. Men like attention, plain and simple, just as much as women do. They want to be noticed and liked, and when they aren’t getting that from someone constantly they’ll turn toward anyone who can give it to them.
If he’s randomly texting you one word like “Hey” and then drops off the face of the earth, he’s not looking for a conversation, he’s looking for a pick-me-up. Even previous boyfriends can have that effect on you. They know you so well that they can push the right buttons to make you want to talk to them. They use that vulnerability to get the attention they need. Then you’re left feeling frustrated that he doesn’t open up, that it’s completely random, or it’s not going anywhere. Guys have a hard time opening up and “sharing” their feelings. Duh, we know that. But we still answer his text and hope he will suddenly spill his life story or deeply repressed feelings for us.
We’re hopeless romantics trying to find our Prince Charming. But I don’t think he’s the one if he texts “The only thing great about my day was you; talk to you the next time I’m bored.”
What can you do to avoid any kind of users and abusers? Make it known you don’t want to be treated that way. If he’s texting you just so he can get attention from someone call him out on it. The only way he’ll realize you are not a last resort is if you do not put yourself in that situation. You can easily turn off your phone and go out with your friends. Why interrupt perfectly good sleep for a waste of text?
I know what you are thinking. You are being biased; girls do it too, which is true. We aren’t so innocent. I know firsthand women flirt with guys just to get compliments. Or we’ll have one person we use to flirt with because we’re having a “dry spell” in our love lives and need a little affection and attention. But using someone for a self-esteem boost isn’t the best way to get through the day. Not to mention that’s the fast-track to losing a good friend.
Just remember, nobody wants to be used, and no one wants to be a last resort. When you really look at it, the truth hurts, but when you stop making excuses for guys or girls, you can see that you’re meant to be treated better.
