I preface this piece by saying that I understand no church is meant to be perfect in any way, just like none of us are perfect. Also, I do not mean to hate on any church, but rather identify where there is room for improvement.

As a Christian, there have been many things that I have struggled with in my life. Some of those struggles I have overcome, while others are still here even after a decade. Every day of my life, there has always been something wearing me down, no matter how hard I try to look for solutions or ask for help. Certain struggles of mine never seem to resolve.

Growing up in the church, the Church of Christ in my case, I have noticed that there is a group of “forbidden sins’’ that never get talked about, especially in sermons. The forbidden sins entail issues like pornography, sexual immorality, depression, self-image — the list goes on. Over the course of my 19 years, there has been only one case where I have witnessed some of these things being deliberately addressed in the church. Bringing up these sins feels like yelling in a bank that you have a bomb. You get looked at differently, and people give you attention that makes you feel awkward. Why is the church so brief on these issues to the point of almost completely avoiding them?

There have been many times in church where they briefly said that pornography is bad, or that you are made in the image of God and therefore you should enjoy your image. While that may be true, it does not address people who deeply struggle with it. We hear at the end of a sermon that if we need the elders to pray for us or talk with us, we can meet with them, but how do we know they can relate with us and be active in helping us? It is hard. As I mentioned,  I have dealt with something for over a decade, but I have never felt safe discussing it with an elder due to my relationships with them and for fear of judgement. This is not the case for everyone, but I have seen it many times in my years growing up in the church.

In the hundreds of sermons I have listened to, I noticed a heavy focus on how to be good and better yourself. Rarely have I heard sermons where they approach an issue and show how to get back on your feet. For myself, this has discouraged me in the church. It is hard to find safe spots and find beneficial help without fear of judgement. In my church back home, there are only a few people I can confide in despite having been a member for nearly seven years.

Many churches pronounce that the people are in a safe space and that no one should be scared. They pronounce that God’s family is a tight community of brothers and sisters. Yet, some issues are still difficult to bring up. This idea of “forbidden sins” should not exist. Churches should reach out in all areas and ensure that there is a safe spot for everyone. We are called as a community, but sometimes I feel that I am on an island. 

Although the churches I have attended have been amazing, and I have great love for them, there is still room for improvement. This improvement is feasible, and that is why I would urge churches to try their best to discover ways to address these topics and create a space for inclusivity.