It\u2019s a wonder I wasn\u2019t heckled more in elementary school over this, but one of my prized possessions back then was a Pigs in Space lunchbox. Every day as I opened it up to take out my peanut butter sandwich, Town House crackers and plastic thermos full of whole milk, I enjoyed the company of some favorite characters from \u201cThe Muppet Show.\u201d<\/p>\n
The popular sketch was a parody of \u201cStar Trek\u201d and featured a pig-shaped spaceship named the \u201cSwinetrek,\u201d hurtling through the galaxy with its bumbling porcine crew.<\/p>\n
The characters\u2019 names were larded with puns. Of course there was First Mate Piggy, with her trademark golden locks of hair \u2014 \u201ccurls before swine,\u201d you might say. The Captain, Link Hogthrob, played up his dopey, matinee-idol role with panache. The name \u201cLink\u201d was a nod not only to Luke Skywalker, but also to a beloved breakfast sausage.<\/p>\n
Dr. Julius Strangepork \u2014 an elderly scientist with a German accent \u2014 rounded out the crew, with an obvious homage to Peter Sellers\u2019 madman, Dr. Strangelove. Jim Henson was shameless at stuffing \u201cThe Muppet Show\u201d with pop culture gags, and the day I figured out all the Pigs in Space references was one of the banner intellectual triumphs of my childhood.<\/p>\n
While \u201cThe Muppet Show\u201d ended in the \u201880s, you\u2019ll be surprised to learn that pigs are back in the air, flying high and causing chaos once again.<\/p>\n
I read a story on Metro News about a woman who boarded a U.S. Airways flight out of Connecticut last month, carrying an emotional-support pig. As it turns out, the animal caused so much commotion before the plane took off that the passenger was asked to leave. During boarding, other people on the flight complained about the smelly and noisy animal, which caused one man so much distress that he had to cling to his therapy goat.<\/p>\n
The woman was toting her pig, not in a poke, but on a leash. Nevertheless, it apparently ran squealing up and down the aisle. No doubt the 70-pound Wilbur was panicking in these unfamiliar surroundings, desperately searching for Charlotte \u2014 his emotional-support spider \u2014 to tell him that everything would be OK because he is \u201cSome Pig.\u201d<\/p>\n
And let\u2019s not rush to assume that Charlotte herself didn\u2019t have the jitters. If you\u2019re a spider on board a 747 about to leave Connecticut, you might be disoriented and quite possibly needing your emotional-support housefly. Of course, when it comes to spiders and houseflies, the line between emotional support and comfort food is probably thin indeed.<\/p>\n
But Clax, you say, don\u2019t forget that houseflies are creatures with feelings, too. Yes, I suppose that\u2019s true, but I have to draw the line somewhere. If I get down to writing about emotional-support mitochondria, people will accuse me of not taking this subject seriously.<\/p>\n
I can see the trailer now. Samuel L. Jackson and Julianna Margulies are back in the air \u2014 this time protecting a man who witnessed a murder in a BBQ restaurant. The assassin wants his witness out of the picture, so as the man boards a plane to fly to the trial, Boss Hogg smuggles a crate onboard. Just when the aircraft has reached cruising altitude, the villain releases his killer \u201cPigs on a Plane.\u201d Coming soon to a theater or meat locker near you.<\/p>\n
I realize that emotional support animals perform a great service, but the more our culture outsources its mental health care to pigs, ducks, squirrels and whatnot, the harder it will be to maintain decorum in public. Therapy dogs I can handle, but emotional support pigs may be going too far. You might say \u201cthe remedy is worse than the disease,\u201d to quote Sir Francis Bacon.<\/p>\n
By the time you read this, the annual visit of the therapy dogs to Harding\u2019s library will be over. Each year, the lovable canines arrive to be petted, scratched and doted upon, offering a warm respite for students overstressed from finals and end-of-the-term projects. But if you missed the dogs, I suggest you wander up to the second floor, where you\u2019ll find the library\u2019s permanent sources of emotional nourishment. You can check them out anytime. Happy holidays!<\/p>\n
Credits:<\/p>\n
Story provided by Oliver McAteer of Metro News.<\/p>\n
Link provided by Ken Hammes, late of Harding University.<\/p>\n
Title suggested by Nick Boone.<\/p>\n
\u201cSnakes on a Plane\u201d reference suggested by Larry Hunt.<\/p>\n
Emotional support provided by Mom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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