Written by Stacy Roibal <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few days before the start of this semester, I got a call from my mom. She wanted to say that she was learning about the toxicity of purity culture, and that she was sorry \u2014 sorry for teaching it to me and my sisters. \u201cI wish I could take it all back.\u201d That was her plea, and I accepted her apology. I am very proud of her for having the courage to change her mindset, but the truth is that it\u2019s too late, and she can\u2019t take it back. I have been working at unlearning many skewed ideologies that I was raised on, and I\u2019ve been doing it all on my own for the past three years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For those not familiar with the term \u201cpurity culture,\u201d it stems from an evangelical abstinence movement in the \u201890s that sought to suppress sexuality in teenagers and young adults as a response to \u201ctoo much freedom\u201d (if you will) in decades prior. There were some good intentions, but the waves of negative repercussions are still washing over us today. The problem with suppression is that it generates shame, and in that shame we can begin to see a broken system.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In my opinion, not being \u201csexually pure\u201d doesn\u2019t alter your value as a human being in any way; however, nobody told me that growing up. There are people who didn’t get to make the choice themselves to stay \u201csexually pure,\u201d some people gave into pressure and some people grew tired of being afraid of the stigma around sex. Whatever your story is \u2014 you are immensely valuable and loved by your creator, and that will not change.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was taught that my \u201cvirginity\u201d was a precious gift that was destined for my future spouse. My value directly correlated with how pure I was. I had to dress modestly so I could protect men from myself, and if they desired me it was my fault. Boys \u201cbattle\u201d with lust and girls don\u2019t, so we have to be understanding of them. If I got a boyfriend, we had to set \u201cboundaries\u201d so we could stay righteous before God. Crossing a boundary was something to be completely ashamed of. If I found myself desiring someone, it was because satan had found his way to my heart \u2014 not because it was a normal part of growing up. The list goes on, but what I\u2019m trying to say is that the way in which purity is being taught has been and continues to be harmful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It should be devastating that this ideology has caused so many young people to resent themselves, to lose their sense of self-worth, to believe that there is something wrong with them, to feel so much shame for simply being human. If God created me in his image, how come I was taught to resent so many things about that image? And by my church no less \u2014 the people who were meant to teach me about love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am going to tell you some things that I believe, and I hope that others in my evangelical community can believe them, too. Remaining \u201cpure\u201d is not the highest thing that someone might achieve in this life. Being the best version of yourself is the greatest thing you can give your future spouse. It is not a woman\u2019s fault if a man desires her. Seriously, can we stop blaming women\u2019s shoulders for causing a man to \u201cstumble\u201d\u2014 that is his problem. Your story is important and beautiful, no matter your background. It can be difficult to unlearn things that have been systematically taught, but it is not impossible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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