In high school, I took a class called \u201cExperiences in Writing,\u201d where the teacher had us try our hands at various types of poetry. That\u2019s when I wrote my very first limerick:<\/p>\n
A gentleman visiting France <\/em><\/p>\n Was seen doing an odd little dance. <\/em><\/p>\n When asked as to why,<\/em><\/p>\n Gave this hasty reply: <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI dropped escargot down my pants.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n Unfortunately, the teacher liked it and encouraged me to write more. That spurred on a lifetime hobby that has entertained my friends but never yielded a penny in royalties.<\/p>\n There is, sadly, no money in limericks.<\/p>\n Named for a county in Ireland, the form always consists of five lines. Lines 1, 2 and 5 must rhyme with each other, and so must the shorter lines 3 and 4. The final verse delivers the punch line, as illustrated by one of my favorites. I wish I could take credit for this one:<\/p>\n There once was a pious young priest <\/em><\/p>\n Who lived almost wholly on yeast. <\/em><\/p>\n He said with a grin, <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWe shall all rise again, <\/em><\/p>\n And I want to get started at least.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n As you may know, limericks have a somewhat sordid reputation. I once found a whole volume of them in a bookstore and was thrilled with my purchase \u2014 that is, until I got home and started reading. There was not a single verse in all 517 pages that can be quoted in polite company. And that\u2019s mostly the kind of company I keep.<\/p>\n But I\u2019ve found that limericks made great poems for special occasions: birthdays, retirements and whatnot. They are ideal for gentle teasing.<\/p>\n For example, one of my colleagues is known for his boisterous guffaws, a fact which inspired the following:<\/p>\n There once was a teacher named Larry, <\/em><\/p>\n Whose laughter could sometimes be scary. <\/em><\/p>\n A student one fall, <\/em><\/p>\n Heard it way down the hall. And said, <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cBoy, that is loud.\u201d We said, \u201cVery.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n When my friends in Oklahoma had their second child \u2014 a son \u2014 I sent this foolishness:<\/p>\n There is a fine couple named Paris, <\/em><\/p>\n Who live in a house with a terrace. <\/em><\/p>\n And I\u2019m happy to say <\/em><\/p>\n As of 25th May, <\/em><\/p>\n They now have an heir and an heiress. <\/em><\/p>\n When another couple celebrated their anniversary, they got this poetic toast:<\/p>\n Ryan almost wed some other dame, <\/em><\/p>\n But then he forgot what\u2019s-her-name. <\/em><\/p>\n When he laid eyes on Paula, <\/em><\/p>\n Where she went he did folla, <\/em><\/p>\n And his whole life was never the same. <\/em><\/p>\n My love of basketball has inspired a few lines, including these that I wrote for Harding guard Sam Brown in 2008:<\/p>\n A dazzling player named Sam <\/em><\/p>\n Can dribble, can dunk and can slam. <\/em><\/p>\n His plays are red hot, <\/em><\/p>\n And he showed what he\u2019s got<\/em><\/p>\n In that game against North Alabam. <\/em><\/p>\n I had an aunt compete in a long-distance run in 2011. I sent these congratulatory lines:<\/p>\n There once was a champion named Suzie, <\/em><\/p>\n Whose 13-mile run was a doozy. <\/em><\/p>\n When she crossed the finish<\/em><\/p>\n At a quarter past 10-ish, S<\/em><\/p>\n he was winded and wobbly and woozy. <\/em><\/p>\n When a dear friend turned 60 in 2012, I joined in the roast:<\/p>\n We thought that our dear Doctor Justus<\/em><\/p>\n Was much closer to forty, but trust us, <\/em><\/p>\n He looks rather youthful, <\/em><\/p>\n But we have to be truthful: <\/em><\/p>\n He is older than Caesar Augustus. <\/em><\/p>\n Without fail, I post to Facebook at least once per year, on April Fools\u2019 Day. About five years ago, I got inspired to put up a limerick:<\/p>\n A reluctant Facebooker named Clax <\/em><\/p>\n Updates once a year all his facts. <\/em><\/p>\n Announcing with pride <\/em><\/p>\n That he has not yet died <\/em><\/p>\n So his friends can breathe free and relax.<\/em><\/p>\n In 2014, our English department chair went overseas. His return inspired this:<\/p>\n While missing our chairman named Terry, <\/em><\/p>\n The department went too wild and merry. <\/em><\/p>\n But now that he\u2019s back <\/em><\/p>\n To see all our slack, <\/em><\/p>\n His response will be disciplinary. <\/em><\/p>\n If you liked all this nonsense, you can thank Dr. Tim Baird, who requested that I write a column of my limericks. If you didn\u2019t care for it, please complain to my department chair. Who is missing too much of his hair. But I cannot say more, or he\u2019ll show me the door, and will give me a heave down the stair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In high school, I took a class called \u201cExperiences in Writing,\u201d where the teacher had us try our hands at various types of poetry. That\u2019s when I wrote my very…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":130,"featured_media":8916,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[78,25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-opinions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/130"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10209"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10209\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10210,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10209\/revisions\/10210"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8916"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}