I did not know anything about grief until I began to experience it myself. I\u2019ve never heard a lesson, sermon or chapel talk on it. I\u2019ve never been taught what to expect for myself or others when dealing with it. And what I\u2019ve noticed, at the most inconvenient time is that most people do not know how to interact with others coping with it.<\/p>\n
I understand that everyone is different \u2014 no two people may grieve or overcome adversity the same way. People cope according to their personality and personal schedules. However, my family and I have noticed some themes as we carry the weight of our grief together. From those themes, I\u2019ve listed some general do\u2019s and don\u2019ts for the next time you have a loved one dealing with a heartbreaking loss:<\/p>\n
Do: Cook.<\/p>\n
The last thing people in grief want to do is cook, at least that was the case for me. However, the second-to-last thing they want to do is eat. People continuously brought food to our home the first two days after my mother\u2019s death. We did not have appetites, and didn\u2019t eat most of it. But without it, we may have eaten hardly anything at all. Personally, I recommend waiting until after the delivery rush before providing some comfort food. By that time, all of the other stuff will have gone bad.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t: \u201cIf you need anything, let me know.\u201d<\/p>\n
If I had a penny for every time I heard that phrase, I could probably have my next three car payments paid in full. I understand everyone means well, but what others don\u2019t understand is that first-time grievers do not know what they need, so they will not tell you. Some, like me, simply do not want to be an inconvenience when they have even an inclination of something they need. Sometimes it\u2019s better to do it before asking \u2014 deliver coffee, offer to make a grocery run or simply stop by with a box of Kleenex and time to spare.<\/p>\n
Do: Acknowledge they are hurting.<\/p>\n
People in grief still want to feel like people, and they take comfort in knowing that there are people standing with them, caring for them. Do not ask what happened, but realize ignoring the situation only makes said person feel worse. Instead of walking on eggshells or avoiding conversations, hug them, give them a smile and just let them know you\u2019re thinking about them. They do not need to hear how sorry you are or that you \u201cunderstand\u201d what they are going through. Keep it simple, sweet, and maybe send them a note after the first 30 days.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t: Expect them to make decisions.<\/p>\n
There is a lot of decision making when planning a funeral. There\u2019s the casket, the flowers and the photos to be used. There\u2019s choosing a funeral home, cemetery and reception hall. It\u2019s exhausting. Don\u2019t blame someone for not wanting to make another executive decision for a while.<\/p>\n
Overall, I hope these few pointers help bring awareness to anyone who has a loved one tackling grief. Nobody can take away the hurt of another, but they can make the process a little bit smoother.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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