\u201cWhen I hear the word adoption, I think of the word \u2018grafted.\u2019 Kind of like a tree, you\u2019re putting on another branch, essentially,\u201d alumnus Kurtis Laughlin said.<\/p>\n
Grafting was what Laughlin felt his family did for him when he was adopted by his foster family in 2016.<\/p>\n
\u201c(My adoption) is probably not your stereotypical one,\u201d Laughlin said. \u201cI went into foster care at age 12 and was adopted at 22. I aged out of the system at 18. \u2026 My family wanted to continue working with me, but getting adopted for me would have made me lose certain scholarship opportunities. They waited until I had finished college to adopt me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Laughlin said that even though he already felt like a part of the family, after living with the Laughlins for 10 years, the adoption had special meaning because it made that feeling a reality.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor me, (adoption) is the clarification of status,\u201d Laughlin said. \u201cPeople want to be accepted and that clarity that (they\u2019re) not in-between. My original last name was Grant, but I didn\u2019t feel like I was a Grant. But I didn\u2019t quite feel like I was a Laughlin either.\u201d<\/p>\n
According to Laughlin, his adoption also brought him a sense of belonging.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt took me a long time to get comfortable in my skin,\u201d Laughlin said. \u201cNot feeling accepted by my original family and then moving onto the next family made a gray area. Adoption to me meant a little bit more acceptance and a little bit more peace.\u201d<\/p>\n
For junior Hannah Hall, who has two siblings adopted from foster care, this sense of peace and belonging is the essence of adoption.<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone needs people that they can call family, even if they feel like they already have that,\u201d Hannah Hall said. \u201cThey still need people to show them the love that they might not have had before. I think that\u2019s the most important part.\u201d<\/p>\n
According to Hannah Hall\u2019s mother, Assistant Vice President of Finance Tammy Hall, the Halls have fostered 75 children in the last 11 years.<\/p>\n
However, in December 2009, two of those 75 became family.<\/p>\n
\u201cNate and Rebecca came to us as foster children five days after we became foster parents,\u201d Tammy Hall said.\u00a0 \u201cAt that time, we had no thought of adopting them.\u00a0 We were brand new to the foster care system and assumed \u2026 they would go home in a few weeks. Fast forward 14 months (and their) birth mom\u2019s rights were terminated. \u2026 We quickly came to the conclusion that they were a perfect fit for our family and we didn\u2019t want them to have to go through losing a second set of parents after we had filled that role for over a year.\u201d<\/p>\n
As seamless as she felt the transition was, Hannah Hall said one of the most difficult parts for her is knowing her siblings have a biological family somewhere.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven though they live with us and we chose them, they\u2019re still going to have thoughts and wonder about what life would be like if they were still with their (biological) families,\u201d Hannah Hall said.<\/p>\n
This is a struggle that Tammy Hall said she also faced, adding there are a lot of emotions that both the foster child, and foster parents must work through.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome of them, supported by their parents, resent you as foster parents,\u201d Tammy Hall said. \u201cSome love you, and some feel guilty because they like the consistency, security and love they get in foster care and that makes them feel like they are being untrue to their parents. \u2026 As an adoptive parent, some of the hardest things are trying to understand the bond and the defense the kids feel for their birth mothers.\u201d<\/p>\n
According to chairman of the Department of Behavioral Science Terry Smith, who adopted his foster son Jonathan, this is the struggle of foster care in general.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have to remember that you\u2019re a surrogate parent,\u201d Smith said. \u201cThere is someone else who is really family to that child, and you have to be committed to the fact that that\u2019s where they ultimately belong. Everybody deserves that.\u201d<\/p>\n
However, that original family is not always a safe place for the child, Smith said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen that system isn\u2019t functioning in a way that would be in the best interest of that child, and it becomes apparent that parent rights are ending, that\u2019s when (foster parents) say, \u2018If anyone deserves a chance to adopt this child, it should be us,\u2019\u201d Smith said.<\/p>\n
Although adoption from foster care means a child won\u2019t return to their birth parents, Tammy Hall said it creates an opportunity for a family to show a child what it means to have stability.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are not perfect by any means. But we model how a family loves, interacts and fights, but never resorts to physical abuse, and ultimately stays together,\u201d\u00a0 Tammy Hall said. \u201cMost of these kids have never known anyone that has only been married once and is still married 20 or 30 years later. They have never seen Jesus or been to church. \u2026 They have never been taught respect for authority. \u2026 Our family may be the only chance these kids ever have to see Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n
Laughlin echoed these thoughts but also posed a question for Christians: who better to foster and adopt these children than believers?<\/p>\n
\u201cA lot of problems and a lot of situations allow for an opportunity to know God better through acts of kindness,\u201d Laughlin said. \u201cIn this sense, it allows for that child to get a better life and understand what a family is supposed to be (and) to learn what a loving family is supposed to be. We as Christians are blessed with that opportunity.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cWhen I hear the word adoption, I think of the word \u2018grafted.\u2019 Kind of like a tree, you\u2019re putting on another branch, essentially,\u201d alumnus Kurtis Laughlin said. Grafting was what…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15039,"featured_media":10199,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-features"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/15039"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10198"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10200,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10198\/revisions\/10200"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thelink.harding.edu\/the-bison\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}