I’ve done it. You’ve done it. I’ve done it again. The headline is just dramatic enough to be intriguing and you give in – you click. “Girl Shuts Down Haters With Best Response Ever.” “These Kids Are Cute. But 24 Seconds In, You Might Be Horrified.” “13 Reasons You’ll Never Want To Visit McDonald’s Again. Number 4 Will Make You Vomit.” These (real) headlines, along with the scandalous photos that often accompany them, are irresistible. Unfortunately, more often than not, the articles aren’t cell phone compatible and you end up closing out of the window feeling empty and frustrated, like you missed out on something. What’s worse, when the article does decide to load, you are forced to ramble through a slideshow trying not to accidentally click on the advertisements that strategically surround the “next” arrows. Either way, when you click on that link you end up feeling worse about yourself and the world in general. Don’t bother — it’s not worth it.
We all know those people who rant on Facebook. Perhaps it is you. Actually, you know what, it is you. And it’s me. Because everyone rants on Facebook, but we are all irritated at each other’s rants. Whether it is your annoyance with what Bernie Sanders said last week at a campaign event or your frustrations about your ex-boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, it’s irritating. Your Facebook friends read the first sentence, realize it is a rant and immediately scroll past. Those people who like your rant? They rant, too. And they just want you to read their rant. So, don’t bother. Rants on Facebook are exhausting and no one reads them. Are you annoyed by Facebook rants? Head on over to Twitter, you’re only allowed 140 characters there.
“Oh my gosh look at this corgi video! Shannon, come look at this corgi video. Hey, I’m going to share this to (friend with a corgi)’s wall. They’ll love it.” Have mercy on my poor little heart. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching a video of a cat staring at a spot on the wall followed by a mild seizure and nosedive off the bed into the ground as much as the next guy, but reposting one of these videos to a friend’s wall with a similar pet/obsession with said animal is heinous and illegal in four states I’m pretty sure. The only act worse than posting animal videos is reposting old animal videos. My eyes have seen the same bear hit the same trampoline too many times. That penguin getting slapped into the water by another penguin is from 2008. Don’t bother reposting it to your wall nearly a decade later with a caption of three laughing emojis.
